I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
