VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
