if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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