i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
