1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
