My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
