i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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