You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
