Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
