I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
