i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Please, let me fuck your mom
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
