I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
