I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
