Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
