So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize