fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
