my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just cut my nipple shaving
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
