He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
