I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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