just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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