she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
