between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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