i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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