My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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