WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
