just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
