I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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