dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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