she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
