I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
