i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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