Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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