No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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