is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
