A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Congratulations! We have a period
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