I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this will be a night to untag.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
