He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
