During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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