So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize