dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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