You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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