he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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