I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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