Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
