i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
whose parrot is this?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
