today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
