ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
