she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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