Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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