You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
