OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
