She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
