so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
