They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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