A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
