We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize