Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want a musical about memes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
