Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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