that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
