Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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