I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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