We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
