What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
