Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
