i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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