You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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