I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize