Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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