Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
false alarm. still invincible.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
