I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
