someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
