Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
