So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
