That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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