I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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