You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
