We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
