I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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