Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
