so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
