Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
