...so i touched it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
