Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
