apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize