The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
