Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
