Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
