Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i believe in u and ur pee
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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